Friday, February 26, 2010

I'm (almost) too Embarrassed to Admit...

... That I am deathly terrified of birds/anything with feathers (especially if it flies). I'm sure it pays to be an onlooker when I'm walking down the beach or through the park and a bird gets within 10 feet of me. Let's just say loud stomping, clapping, and spitting are some tactics to scare them away. Or I scream and run in the opposite direction. Whatever works.

... That the kids I babysit for tell me to cover my nose and mouth when I change their diapers because they know that I will gag. Babies bums are no problem, dissecting a cat doesn't even bug me, but give me the hiney of a kid of at least two years in age and I'm dunzo.

... That my nighttime routine consists of: vick's vaporub under the nose, vaseline lathered on the lips, honkin' piece of plastic in the mouth to stop me from grinding my teeth, and a blanket totally wrapped around my eyes. Lucky hubby I'll have ;) At least I don't sleep in a flannel nightgown... or do I?

... That if I wanted to, I could eat an entire large pizza from Donatos in one night and not get sick. And now you all know why I gained those 29581 "unexplained" pounds.

... That I want to punch people who spell ridiculous as rediculous. And don't know the difference between to, too, or two. Or lose and loose. Or clothes and cloths. Or those who spell Marianne/Merri Ann as Mary Ann. So lame.

... That the sound of chewing gum chomping makes me cringe more than nails on a chalkboard.

... That I always speak before I think. Yes, you read that correctly. I Speak, then think. My friends think it's hilarious because it's so mind-boggling that someone could be so uncensored. I think it's social suicide, but do little to change it.

... That I am obsessed with Roseanne. Sometimes I stay up way later than I should just to watch it on TV Land. I hope to God I have that kind of humor when raising my own children. She has the best one-liners and her retorts to her children's questions inspire me.

... That I fall over. A lot. Yesterday at the library I lost my balance when I walked into the bathroom stall and slammed into the wall. I'm quite familiar with the walls of stalls (and floors) at bars... but the library was a new one. I also run into walls, a lot. I'm considering suing my eye doctor.

... That my wingspan is shorter than my height. So what if my pants are flooders (after a run in the dryer, they usually are) and my shirts cover my hands, you got a problem with that?

... That I crack myself up. Like this post; I think some of it is pretty darn witty, even if it's not.

2 comments:

Merri Ann said...

Ha Ha ... funny. I speak before I think (sometimes comment before I think), I think I'm funny :)), and I agree with the Marianne/Merri Ann thing ... why is it that when the spelling matters the person doesn't care and when it does NOT matter they are freakin meticulous about it?

And, why is my word verification today "farted"?

Melissa said...

Funny stuff!

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