Diary of a Fickle White Woman

I've been on an emotional roller coaster lately and have just really been yearning for some stability and peace with where I am in my life. My mom sent a prayer to me the other day that couldn't have been more perfect for how I have been feeling lately, and I thought I'd share it with all of you. The Knots Prayer Dear God: Please untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart and my life. Remove the have nots, the can nots and the do nots that I have in my mind. Erase the will nots, may nots, might nots that may find a home in my heart. Release me from the could nots, would nots and should nots that obstruct my life. And most of all, Dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart and my life all of the 'am nots' that I have allowed to hold me back, especially the thought that I am not good enough. Amen Hope you all are having a wonderful week

It's time for Ian 's "Monday Minute!" Although, with my length of answers, it's more like the Monday 20-Minute, but whatev bev. Wanna play along? Click the link to his name, copy/paste/answer the questions on your blog, link up at the bottom of his blog. Easy-peezy. So here we go! 1. What drugs have you done in your life? None. Never so much as touched a cigarette. Ever. Oh, crap, unless y'all consider alcohol a drug. Yea, I did go to college. A college that used to be one of the top party schools in the nation. And I did take "wine tasting" as my credit number 12 my last semester of college. My grandma's maiden name is Bierhaus (beer-house)... I came by it honestly. Why must I ramble? Simple answer: no real drugs, but I do drink (rarely). Goody goody, at your service. 2 . A/S/L? 23 (in less than a month), Female (duh, fickle white WOMAN). A suburb of Indianapolis, Indiana. That is what A/S/L stands for, right? I haven't been asked that since

My girl Pennie, Mom Thoughts , gave me the Honest Scrap Award, truth or dare style (minus the dare, although that would be fun!)! And because I'm a rule follower, here's 10 confessions you probably never cared to know :p 1. I only stick up for myself when it comes to my family, every one else can pretty much walk all over me (unless you lie to me, in which case, I will roast your tush like a 'mallow at a campfire). Not something I am proud of, by any means, and has been a major source of frustration my entire life, but it is what it is. 2. Knowing I made someone laugh gives me an immeasurable amount of joy. I just love the thought of making someone's day a little brighter. 3. I'm really shy around people I'm not close to. Really, really shy. 4. My dreams: travel the world, become a wife and mother, live to be 100, make a difference in the world, be remembered as someone with a big personality and an even bigger heart. 5. I get migraines at least three times a mo

When I lived in Hawai'i, I only made it over to the island of Maui for a quick day trip. I was kind of bummed, but no one else wanted to spend the money on it and most of my friends had done a week long cruise of the islands and had already seen Maui. I assumed my next chance to get back there and actually SEE the island would be when I'm married, perhaps on my honeymoon. I had no clue it would happen a short two years later. To make a long story short, the trip that my parents and I were supposed to take to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico last May ended up being cancelled two weeks before we were to leave-- thank you swine flu and drug lords. We ended up getting the week back for our timeshare, plus our airfare, plus an additional 1500 dollars in ticket vouchers. We were lucky. Anyhow, (long story short, remember), my mom and I ended up doing a girls trip to Maui the very week we should have been in Mexico. And if you've read, um, half of one of my posts, you know how much I am ob

* I HATE working out. You know those people that say, "Oh, I love it once I get there, it's finding the motivation that's hard." Or the people that say, "Yea, I don't like working out either, but I feel so good afterwards." What a load of crap. I don't enjoy any part of working out. I don't like thinking about it, I don't like driving to work out, I don't like doing the actual work out (ask my trainer, he will confirm this as he has listened to my incessant bitching for over a year), and I do not enjoy any part of the aftermath. Who the hell likes being sore in places the Good Lord doesn't even know exists? Not me. And don't tell me you do either, I won't believe you-- even if you say it makes you feel good mentally. *I need a body transplant. Preferably that of Carrie Underwood or Halle Berry. But really, any body that functions like it should at 23 years of age would be fine. *American TV is so weird. And yet, I watch it. Li

*UPDATE: Thank you for all of your feedback, I really appreciate it :) I know it's my blog and ultimately my decision, but y'all would be the benefactors of the giveaway, so I was just curious as to whether or not it as something you gave a hoot about :) I think I am going to *try* a giveaway and go from there. If I think it's fun, maybe I'll do one a few (as in, no more than 3)times a year; if I hate it and feel like it totally takes away from the point of my blog (which is really just to chornicle my life, I'd do it with or without even a single follower), I won't do it again. Whether or not the giveaway is from a company or a reader's etsy shop (my preference-- I like to support fellow bloggers!), I don't know yet, but there will be some sort of giveaway in the near future! A normal post will be up later tonight, including an embarrassing story from Anatomy class that happened a few minutes ago. Oy. Me and my big mouth!*** I received an email from a

This July 31st is my brother's 25th birthday. It will be 25 years since he was born six weeks premature and had to spend 15 days in the neonatal intensive care unit due to underdeveloped lungs. He was on 100% oxygen and was given his last rights by a priest. This May 20th is my 23rd birthday. It will be 23 years since I was born two weeks early and had to spend a measly 12 hours in the NICU due to fluid in my lungs. On February 5, 2008, my cousins, Max and Tyler, were born at a frighteningly early 26 weeks 1 day gestation. Though they were fortunate enough that their mother was able to receive three steroid shots prior to their birth, they spent 67 days in the NICU. Today, they are thriving miracles who, aside from their size, show no signs of having been born 14 weeks early. In fact, and Bridge, correct me if I am wrong, I believe they are AHEAD of not only their adjusted age, but also their REAL age! They truly are our little miracles, who I just happen to get to spend time with

... if you want to keep me happy. Do NOT invite me to a party where the only men there are gay or married. I'm young, I'm single, and I'm not looking to be a "party of one" at every freaking wedding I ever attend. Gay men are great and usually pay more compliments than any hetero male, but they do me no good when it comes to trying to find a mate. Chances are, I'll end up drinking a tad too much and become vocal about my displeasure.

Monday is over in less than 5 hours and I am just now getting around to answering Ian 's questions from this week's "Monday Minute!" *Click on the link if you're interested in reading more about Ian and his hilarious self, or are wanting to participate in his weekly meme (yep, still hate that word.)!* 1. Ever take a shit in the woods? Out in the open? I don't think so. But I did a lot of crazy things in college, so I suppose it's possible. But I'll stick with no. In high school, I went on a 10 day camping trip to Upstate New York (the Adirondacks) and Canada. Obviously we were CAMPING and the only thing available was outhouses that were open to the ground below. But I'm pretty certain I just didn't go potty the whole 10 days. Wow, TMI. 2. If you won $1,000, what's the first thing you would do with it besides give me a cut? 1k? That's it? What a rip off! I guess I'd knock another grand off of my student loans. If I didn't give a

My sweet, awesome friend Jess gave me an award! Now, it's not for my blog, persay, but it's an award, and we met through blogging, so I'll count it as my first blogger award! Apparently homegirl thinks I have some mad fashion skills. I'd agree. Haha. Kidding. Sort of. Ok, but really, she gave me this: I don't really know how I would define my personal style, except for classy and somewhat trendy. My family and friends tell me (when I'm not looking repulsive) that I look like I'm straight out of Manhattan. I LOVE fashion. But I tend to choose what I like and what works with my body, not necessarily always choosing what is "in" for the season. That just really isn't my focus. Besides, shoulder pads are supposedly in and I wouldn't be caught dead in that nonsense. And not just because I look enough like a line-backer without the extra oomph. Most of my clothes now come from LOFT, but that's just because it's one stop shopping and I a

It's Saturday night and I'm home alone, watching Blood Diamond with my dogs, because even my parents have a more active social life than I do. Woe is me. Boo hoo. Blah blah. Anyway, a week later (which really feels like 9 years later), I am finally getting around to recap-ing the Carrie Underwood concert. Sorry Pam ( I think you were the one anticipating this-- if not, sorry!), for making you wait so long, especially since you said you couldn't wait to hear about it! I suck. I'll admit it. The concert was supposed to be a family affair, the broseph and me with the good ole parental units. But, Craig, my brother, is an assistant baseball coach for a local high school and they ended up having a make-up game scheduled for the same night, so he couldn't go. Boo! I ended up asking my cousin to go and we had a blast! my cousin Kelley, me, my Mama. not the best picture but that clearly doesn't matter to me. A HUGE thanks to my uncle for buying our tickets for us. My

Remember this post, with the embarrassing confession that men at stoplights tend to hit on me? Someone asked if maybe my car was a guy magnet. I responded by saying that it was possible, because it hadn't happened since I bought my new car. Although neither car I have ever owned were anything I would consider to be desirable by men. Anyhow, either my cars really are guy magnets or I'm just super sexy because I got hit on again today. But not at a stoplight. Oh no, that would be too easy. I got hit on while driving. At 45mph. With my windows down. About 15 minutes ago. By a grey-haired man who totally didn't seem like the type to do such a thing. Awkward. And I'm not super sexy. I'm half-tempted to take a picture of my current appearance just to prove it, but that's something I don't even want to see. But I was with a 9-month-old all day, so you parents out there, picture what you looked like when your child was an infant and make it 5 times worse. That'

Yet another unsuspecting soul came to my blog via an innocent google search. Only this one made me laugh for a solid 5 minutes. "Keith Morrison, WTF." HAHAHA. I wonder that, too, curious google user. I wonder that, too.

My favorite season, in pictures. All of the photos were taken in my backyard or at my cousin's house :) Enjoy! magnolia tree magnolia bloom at sunset forsythia forsythia at sunset. those two photos makes me all kinds of happy. hyacinth brilliantly colored tulips. my favorite flower, next to peonies. My birthday is May 20th **hint, hint ;)** For more of my photography, click here , here , and here .

I've decided to participate in MannLand5 's "Getting to know YOU" meme! If you want to join in on the fun, visit her blog, copy the questions and paste them on your blog, then go back to her blog and link up once you've answered the questions. Easy, right? 1. What color do you wear the most? My closet is color-coded, so I like to think I wear all colors an equal amount, but it really depends on the season. Now that it's spring, I'm in lots of navy blue/nautical clothes and bright colors. A few weeks ago, black and grey (random fact about me: I hate the American spelling "gray," I always spell it the English way, "grey." Weird, I know.) were pretty much the name of the game. 2. Would you rather have $10,000 dollars or a dream vacation? I'd rather 10k! I could pay off some of my student loans or invest it and make a bigger profit :) I love me a vacation, but I'm not deprived in that area and could really use the money (couldn'

It's Friday, so time to join The Girl Next Door Grows Up for "Feel Good Friday." Here are five six things that made me happy/feel good this week: 1. Oodles of family time over the weekend! My amazing grandmother came into town for a few days; we had my mom's family over here on Saturday; I babysat for my awesome cousins Saturday night; I went to my aunt and uncle's Sunday for Easter dinner; and I babysat for my awesome cousins again on Monday night! LOVED it! I seriously have to have the best family in the world. And I really love that I grew up with my extremely extended family, too. How many people can say they are close to their third (and now fourth) cousins? 2. The WEATHER! And FLOWERS! It looks soooooooooo beautiful. When I have more time, I'll share some pictures of the yard (my dad should be a landscape pro)! The beginning of the week was in the 80s, sunny, and just oh so perfect. Then the thunderstorms and tornado warnings rolled in, but I love

And this, ladies and gentleman, is the epitome of sass. So much attitude. My poor parents. Especially given the fact that not much has changed since this picture was taken. I am still as sassy as can be. Maybe I don't want a daughter. After all, karma is a bitch, right? Any guesses on how old I was in this picture?

One of my mom’s patients, who has to use a sperm donor, said to her today, “By the way, did you know that you can find a sperm donor online now? And it’s delivered to you in the mail.” My mom’s response? “Well, I hope you have a lot better luck with that than my daughter did with eharmony .” HAHAHAHAHA. She’s too witty for her own good… Gotta love her. The woman followed it up by saying that she met her husband on match.com. Too funny. And by the way, my mom is an ultrasonographer at an OB/GYN office. She seriously comes home with the BEST stories. And no, she never uses names, so she doesn't violate HIPPA, mmk?

Recent google searches that have directed people to my blog: Someone in Minneapolis is looking for help with his "Fickle wife" Sorry dude, can't help ya out, but I wish you luck. To the person in Virginia, if you've found the answer to "Why are women so mean to each other?" please enlighten me, would ya? Because that truly is the million dollar question. And, Keith Morrison. Who knew the man was such a popular google search?? Here's what some people want to know about my "favorite" journalist... "Keith Morrison family secret." Lucky you, coming to my blog should have provided you the answer! His deep, dark family secret is that he is involved in all the crimes he does the reporting for. The cat's out of the bag. "Keith Morrison creepy" You betcha, he is. And clearly many agree, as that search alone has directed 7 different people to my blog hahah. A few people have straight up googled "Diary of a Fickle White Woman.

I've written before about why I chose to not put my degree to use and become a journalist. I love to write. I mean, y'all have read my blog, I clearly love to write. Often, too much. But that's not the point. When I first changed majors from special education to communications/ journalism, I mostly did it with this big, grand idea of moving to New York City and working for a fashion magazine. And then I realized the fact that I obviously defeated anorexia would be a deal breaker in the fashion industry, so I became slightly realistic. A few years later, my disgust over what American media deems newsworthy in all areas of journalism became my own deal breaker. I could not and would not write for a publication that wasn't interested in solely producing newsworthy material. I would not. But I still scour many fashion magazines/blogs/websites weekly. I have quite the shopping habit, but that's another post for another time. And while fashion magazines seldom cover any t

My super awesome blogger buddy Melissa participates in this little meme (still unsure of what 'meme' means. Still not sure I care.) called "Monday Minute." It is hosted by Ian at The Daily Dose of Reality . Since my creative juices aren't flowin', I thought I'd participate this week. Visit Ian's blog and join in on the fun! What's wrong with fake breasts? As long as they look natural, I have no problem with fake boobs. Except for the massively huge ones (ahem, Heidi Montag); those are just disgusting and classless. A boob job wouldn't be the first thing I'd have done, if I ever had plastic surgery, but to each their own. List your latest run-in with the Carnival of Idiocy. Hate to name call, but the lady at the park might be an idiot. I mean, she did, essentially, pick on an 11 month old. There's also a giant idiot in my anatomy class. So far, she has claimed to have been a bio-chem major (and you're in anatomy 102 why?), a certif

I know I say all the time how much I can't wait to move away from Indiana. The truth is, Indiana really isn't all that bad. In fact, I actually really love living here from April-November. The cost of living is cheap, and, well, people in the Midwest are just nice (except for moms at the park ). Plus, our values are very different from the rest of the country, or so it seems. It really is a great place to grow up. But the winters. Oh, those painfully cold (it literally hurts to be outside, the air stings), snowy, dreary winter days take a big toll on my overall well-being. And being 12 hours away from the nearest ocean doesn't help. Even Kendra Wilkinson agrees: "The only thing Indianapolis doesn't have for me is the weather. If I could, I would definitely live and raise a family there. It's funny. When we moved into our house there, the whole neighborhood came and greeted us. People gave us cookies. When we moved here [L.A.], not one person gave a shit. But t