Monday, June 21, 2010

The Return of Gino

Well, I do have another match story typed up and on reserve, but this takes precedence.

Remember Gino? Yea, how could you not? The last time I posted about him, he had just winked at me. His wink and profile alone provided me with enough entertainment-- or so I thought. Late last night, I logged onto my email account that I never use for the first time in a few days. It is the one where I receive all my match notifications. Low and behold, I had an email. From none other than G-money himself.

*Per usual, my commentary is in aqua, everything else is as he wrote it. And Gino is his real name. If only I could figure out a way to show you all his picture.*

hi..

hi.. (Salve-- check out my Italian, Gino.) I sincerely and honestly (Redundant much?) enjoyed viewing, reading (Again with the redundancy.) your profile and would very much like to chat with you.. know more about you.. (Why would I waste my time telling you more about me when you didn't pay attention the first time. It clearly says I'm interested in men 23-31, non-divorcees, no kids. You, sir, don't fall into any of those categories.) I would like to say, as a gentleman (yes, there is at least 1 left) (Shouldn't that be up to me to decide? In your profile you boast about your amazing physique; now you're boasting about your mannerisms. My guess? Contrary to what you claim your height to be, you have little man syndrome.).. it was your amazing warm bright and beautiful smile (Thanks. See, I'm not a total biotch ;)) that immediately grabbed my attention .. and I must add.. you have an extremely captivating pair of eyes (Ah, yes, the joys of red eye removal.).. I hope you enjoy reading, viewing (There's that redundancy again.) my profile (Well, since you mentioned it, I did enjoy your profile. It gave me great writing material. Probably not what you wanted to hear, is it?) and receive an understanding of who I am as a person (Oh, I think I understand you plenty.)..how I feel about compliments (What's your take on constructive criticism from a woman literally half your age?).. how a woman should be treated .. and who I am searching for (You put up pictures that are 20+ years old and hit on women who could be your daughter. Yea, I think I understand who you are searching for. Unfortunately for you, if I know anything about being a woman, your search is going to be a long, arduous process unless you give a fair chance to women closer to your own age.).. I may be reached thru ym (That's cool... What the hell is ym?)..use my profile name as the id (It sounds like you think I'm going to actually IM (or is it YM?) you. That's mighty presumptive.).. hope to hear from you soon (You might. But you won't like what I have to say.)... bye for now.. (Dude, if you're going to continually use an ellipsis for every form of punctuation, at least get it right. Three dots, sir, not two.)


Now here is where you get to help me, dear readers. I want to email him back. I normally don't respond to the guys I have no interest in (probably slightly rude, but oh well.), but now I want to. So, which ever one of you comes up with the best email response to Gino wins. I'll email it to him and do post about it and any follow emails I receive from him.

If I emailed him and was totally uncensored, I'd probably say things like, "What the hell could you possibly have in common with a woman half your age?" Or, "Hi, Dad. I mean, Gino." Or, "Your ineptitude in bed shines through in your email and profile in the form of 'little man syndrome'." You know, something completely snarky. However, I think ruder than I speak, so I would never actually say those things to him. Unless, of course, he deserved it, which, thus far, he doesn't. But give me the best that you've got ;) Good luck! Either email it to me (ficklewhitewoman@gmail.com) or leave it in the comment.

P.S. HAPPY SUMMER!!!!!!

P.P.S. For all of you in Minnesota, Montana, Wyoming, and any other state hit by Mother Nature's fury recently, my prayers are with each and every one of you.


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5 comments:

Jess said...

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Again, LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here goes.....

Dear Gino,

Thank you for the lovely compliments.

I did take a look at your profile. You seem like a great person. Based on several things, though, I just feel like we're at different places in our lives.

Good luck in your search! I truly hope you find the woman that makes you happy and fullfilled!


Not very funny, but hopefully it gets the point across.

Melissa said...

Oh poor Gino. I like what Jess wrote. You need to send him something nice but final. You don't want to be a bitch, but you need him to know that you are not interested.

lindsey said...

I wish I was clever enough to write out something for you!

Anne said...

Oh girl. I am going to have to think about this one for a while. My snark level is low right now :-)

purplume said...

Dear Gino,
If you would liek some feedback - keep reading. Otherwise ignore this e-mail.

When you disregard the information in my profile about what I am looking for, I am left to wonder
where you are coming from and what are your motives?

My impression of you is that you want what you want and don't regard my preferences.

Please respect my choices and yes that means you are out of the running. You were never in. There is nothing you can do to be in except be younger, never married and without children.

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