Thursday, June 3, 2010

Fickle White Goes on a Date

Doesn't that sound like a book title? Perhaps I should start a series, "Adventures of The Fickle White Woman." What do you think? Sound like a good plan? Maybe I should just make it blog series... "Fickle White, RN," "Fickle White Buys a Bachelorette Pad," "Fickle White Is Not On Crack, Just Crazy..."

Hmm. I'm kind of liking this idea.

By the way, is it pathetic that I was super excited about this date just so I could blog about it?

Yea, that's what I thought.


Yes, folks, I finally have gone on a date. A date. Lord help us all.

I joined a little over a month ago when one of my very favorite friends told me she's doing it and has been on a lot of dates (Hi friend! I won't call you out ;)). After a failed go at eharmony, I decided to give the competition a try. In college (and maybe even high school-- perhaps I had a premonition about the lack of dating experience I would have?) I always said, "If I'm not in a relationship by the time I'm 25, I'll try online dating." Yea, well I just turned 23 and am on my second online dating site, so obviously I got a little impatient. Plus spending my days with kids, my nights in class, and watching my friends move all around the country doesn't exactly give me a lot of opportunities to meet guys.

My experience with match thus far has been much better. Sure, I've still received the hilariously creepy messages which I may have to share with all of you in the future, but overall, it's been fine. I've been communicating via email with a few guys that seem nice and normal, so when tonight's guy asked if I wanted to go to dinner, I decided to give it a try. I mean, I didn't fork out some money for this site just to email with people... Hello, my life isn't that lame.

Tonight I had dinner at Kona Grill with a guy we shall call Charlie (Note: I originally named him Chester, but then remembered Chester the Molester...). I didn't have high expectations for the night, but I figured it'd be a good time so long as the conversation flowed and he was as nice and normal as he came across initially.

Unfortunately, I have been sick since last Thursday and had a low grade fever today (I've probably had one all week, I just finally got around to checking), but if someone bailed out on me, claiming they were sick the day of the date, I wouldn't believe it, so I wasn't about to even try that road.

And as if being sick isn't bad enough, when I went to get in the shower at 5, no water came out. Our water heater went out and men had been here working on it since noon. I about shit my pants and ran downstairs to ask when it would be back on. By the way, crap like this is exactly why I do not have sex. The most random "bad stuff" happens to me. If I had sex, my body would probably invent some kind of new STD just to get back at me.

Anyway, back to running downstairs...

Me: "DAAAAAAD! DAAAAAAAD! I HAVE TO SHOWER! How long until the water is back on?!?!" (Thinking 30 minutes, max.)

Dad: "They said you can't use hot water for at least two hours, just shower tomorrow." (obviously he hadn't been clued in about the date)

Me: " Are you KIDDING ME?!?! There isn't even cold water for me to use! I have a friggin date at 7!"

Dad: "Oh, uh, well I didn't know that. Go next door and use their shower."

Me: "I suppose you want me to also walk across the lawn in my turbie towel and bath robe, too? Give me a break."

Needless to say, I ran upstairs freaking out, texted my friend asking what to do, she was out of ideas, so I just texted Charlie and asked if we could meet an hour later. What help that would do me, I don't know, but at least it was better than totally cancelling on him. I didn't think he'd believe me if I cancelled for being sick, I sure as hell didn't think he'd believe me if I said, "I have to cancel because I can't shower." Bless his heart, he agreed to meet an hour later.

I wasn't really nervous for the meeting and dinner in the first place, and then after the nonsense at home, I was even more relaxed because I knew we'd have something to joke about, at the very least.

We met outside the restaurant at 7 8. Actually, I was early, which is a miracle in and of itself because I will be late for my own funeral, so yay me.

We parted ways at 8:45. A 45 minute date. I spent more time getting ready. I bet you can guess how it went.

Charlie brought nothing to the table. Nothing. I did all the question asking, listened to his answers, and then waited for him to reciprocate with a question. Instead, what I heard were the crickets chirping.


And then our waiter came over and I was instantly more attracted to him than the guy I was on a date with. Typical, get the cute waiter when I'm not with my friends and am able to hit on him. I'm fairly certain the one and only picture Charlie put on his profile is of someone else, too. He most definitely lied about his height.

He was very nice. Normal? Uh, not so much.

I told Charlie about my time in Hawaii, he said his mother hates Hawaii.

I asked if he likes to travel. He said, "Not really." (See? Not normal.)

I asked if he liked the Colts and he said yes, which is fine. Until he followed it up with, "Peyton Manning is awesome."

He had lost me at the, "My mom hated Hawaii" nonsense... saying "Peyton Manning is awesome" confirmed that he and I have nothing in common.

And just as quickly as we met, ordered, and ate, he ended the date. Either he also realized that gas and a lighter are a better match, or he is as socially awkward as can be; but I was glad he did it when he did because I was fresh out of conversation starters.

Needless to say, we will not be communicating any longer.

There is another guy I've been talking to for about a month and he seems more my type, even in email. We've talked about planning a date, just haven't done so yet, but will be in the very near future.

So the first date sucked, but you have to weed out the losers to find a winner, right? Either that or I'll be asking for my money back. Registered & Protected


katie said...

hahaha Well, I hope you went back & got the cute waiter's name & number. Can't wait to hear about the next one...and YES!!!! WRITE A BOOK!!! I'd read it :o)

Merri Ann said...

Sorry about the date. But I like the idea for the name of the series.

I hated dating and remember those really uncomfortable first dates when it becomes obvious you have nothing in common. Ughh...

But, on a brighter note... it's great blog fodder :))

Anonymous said...

Sorry bout your date... if it helps I met my husband on Had to weed through alot of weird messages, but he and I instantly clicked. 2 kids and 3 years later... :0)
Good luck!

Melissa said...

You are defrinitely right... you have to try the produce before you find the right fit! That sounds ridiculous... but you get the point. Obviously Charlie isn't the one, but someone is!

It's just me :) said...

As soon as I read that he told you his mother hated Hawaii, I KNEW it would end badly.

Poor awkward Charlie.

More dates are definitely needed. If for no other reason than keeping me entertained with stories on your blog. :p

Seriously though, I hope does better for you than the other place. You are a great person and deserve someone special.

denise said...

Well, I am glad you at least tried. Sometimes the first dates are rough (this doesn't sound bad compared to half of mine) but at least you went in with an open mind. Can't wait to hear good & bad stories about future dates :) I love the idea of a series.

Lindsey said...

Call me crazy but I have always wanted to date. I met my husband when I was 18 and practically fresh out of high school. I dated then but who really calls that dating...
I am SO very happily married but the curiousity in me is dying to know what its like! So I will just live thru you, the fickle white dater.

Peyton Manning sucks 'charlie'. Get it straight!


Momma Fargo said...

Oh, sweety! I'm sad he was a boob. Your post was awesome funny, tho. And exactly how my day would have gone. I wish you lived closer so I could introduce you to a nice, handsome feller. You are fabulous and God has a great one in store for you. Don't give up.

Pam said...

Oh my gaw! Wow. I love the part about your body creating a new STD.
So, I'm a little confused. I thought that on your are matched with people on a million different compatablitly levels. Sounds like you and Chester, oops I mean Charlie had nothing in common.
Maybe he was just shy?

Anonymous said...

So the other day some lady from my church messaged me on facebook and asked if I would like to go on a blind date with a friend's son from her other church. I soon thought of you and your dating adventures!

Candace said...

you definitely have to weed out the bad ones to find a good one. and sometimes it seems like it'll never happen. but it will. good for you for trying it - i think you have to give everything a shot. good luck!

Anonymous said...

Oh hon- AWKWARD! I'm so sorry for you! I can't imagine a more hilarious story though!

PS: I left you something over on my blog!

Krista @ Not Mommy of the Year said...

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE promise that you'll blog about more first dates. First date stories are the best! Whether sink or swim, they are just damn good blog material. And I must live vicariously through my single friends.

shortmama said...

Definitely have to pull a few weeds to get to the roses!! I hated awkward conversations like that while trying to date!

Helene said...

Uh yeah, that date was doomed from the minute he opened his mouth and told you that his mother hates Hawaii. Not just the part about her hating Hawaii but who the hell brings up their MOTHER on the first date? I'm surprised you didn't just gather your shit right there and run the hell out of there, leaving skid marks with steam rising off the pavement.

That should be your opening line for your next date..."Let me just forewarn you...if you talk about your mother at any time during this first date, you can fully expect me to put my fork down, grab my purse and high-tail it outta here, heading to the first bar I see where I will proceed to get drunk and whine to the bartender about why all the good men in the world are either taken or gay. Deal or no deal?"

I think you should start a "Fickle White" blog series...OMG, it would be a riot. I could easily see it turning into a tv series at some point with someone like Julia Louis-Dreyfuss or Jennifer Aniston playing the lead.

Pennie said...

The up-side is that you got a GREAT post...the up-side to every great mishap of all our lives, right? ("I can blog this!") :)

I always thought on-line dating would be fun. I once verbalized this, to my husband's dismay. I guess I won't be trying it. lol I've been married 17 years, so on-line dating was invented during the time of my marriage. Sigh. lol
(Lucky for me, I'm really happily married and my husband is used to stupid blonde remarks...)

So, I'll have to settle for reading about your please don't let me down! Continue posting! And don't find Mr. Right right away!!!! Have some consideration for your readers, for Pete's sake! lol

Travelista, RN said...

Sorry I am late to catch up..
Aww, sorry the date sucked! And seriously, who doesn't like to travel or brings up their mom on a first date?!

Sucky dates or not, at least you are out there dating! Eventually you'll find someone amazing, as long as you continue to put yourself out there (or so I've been told numerous times). =)

Hope the other guy ends up being a better match!

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