What the Future Holds

I'm a very, very realistic person. I know when things aren't going to work out the way I had hoped and I accept it. Some people say to me, "You're usually so optimistic, why the pessimism now?" It isn't pessimism. It's reality. I just know the truth, even before it's made itself clear.

Confused yet?

I did not get into the nursing program I applied to. I knew I wouldn't. Not because I didn't think I was good enough for the program or because I was just being a debbie downer looking for people to tell me otherwise. In fact, quite the opposite. It sometimes ticked me off when people would say, "Oh, be quiet, you'll get into the program, I know you will!"

Of course, once I told them the stupid requirements (or lack thereof) they would say, "Oh, well this is a different year. You'll be fine and get in!"

Not the case. And I knew it wouldn't be the case. I was just being real about the situation. The competition was fierce and I knew my B+ would ruin my chances of getting in (which, by the way, I still think is ridiculous).

And yet, I don't really care. I opened the letter, read the condescending message (seriously, it was so rudely written, even my parents couldn't believe it), laughed and said, "Wow. What bull shit. Oh well."

And the reason I didn't care? I decided a few weeks ago I wouldn't be doing the program, even if I had been accepted, I was just waiting to tell anyone outside of my parents in case I had been accepted and decided to do it (which I knew I'd still choose not to do it, but I like to err on the side of caution). Of course, I would have rather been the one saying, "thanks, but no, thanks," but that just wasn't the way the cookie crumbled.

When I first made the decision to go to nursing school over a year ago, I planned on doing an accelerated bachelor's (BSN) program that is offered at a few area schools for people who have already earned a bachelor's degree of some sort. It just seemed to make the most sense. Plus, I won't lie, I'm a bit of an education snob, I wanted the "better" degree. Having a dual-bachelor's degree excites me. I'm an overachiever. Anyway, I was enrolled at a private college in Indy and signed up to take prereq's for two semesters and then begin the nursing program May '10.

Long story short, I'm paying for NS out of pocket (no government or parental assistance). I already have loans from the first four years, I don't want anymore. I was under the impression the private school I was supposed to go to for NS would be giving me a lot of scholarship money based on my GPA from UD. Not the case. And I was not going to be $70,000+ in debt at 25. After our annual Siesta Key trip with my dad's whole family last June, I spoke to two of my aunts who are nurses about what I should do. They told me that since I already have a bachelor's degree, unless I wanted to get into management or teaching, I really only needed an associates.

I took their advice and ran with it. Dropped out of the private school, enrolled in community college, figured out what I needed to get done and started doing it. I realized I'd be eligible to begin in August of 2010 and was pleased with that. However, I never felt totally at ease with my decision. Something inside me still wanted that BSN. Over the past year, my displeasure with the school and it's employees has grown (various reasons, but I've just been very unhappy) and I began thinking about doing the BSN program again, just at a different school than the private school.

A contributing factor has also been the fact that I may want to be a nurse practitioner (see? overachiever.) eventually (as in, once my youngest is in school. It is something I have considered off and on for a looooong time), and a BSN is required to continue my education. I might as well just eliminate one step now and not kick myself later when I have to do the ASN to BSN program first, then go to NP school.

So after my last post regarding NS and having seen it written out, I realized I knew what I wanted to do, I just needed to muster up the strength to tell my parents yet again that I was changing my mind (see? I am fickle.). Maybe it's because this is all on my dollar now so it doesn't affect them as much, or maybe it's because they think it's the best choice, too, but they were happy and understanding. That further confirmed that I am, indeed, making the right decision (the letter of regret was just the final bit of confirmation I needed from God.).

So what does that mean for my future?

Well, in order to qualify for the accelerated BSN program, I still need to take microbiology (which the ASN program did not require), as well as lifespan development and some type of statistics course (I will probably take Statistical Sociology because my minor is in Soc and think it would be the most interesting). I will apply in the fall for January admission. I have to be accepted to the University first as a second-degree seeking undergrad, and once I get my acceptance letter (because I WILL be accepted), I can then meet with a BSN advisor and get everything squared away. Should all go as planned this time, I will be starting in January and will be finished around May 2012. Did I mention the accelerated BSN program is the same length as the ASN program? Better degree, same amount of time. Why didn't I realize that earlier?

Anyway, so this summer's schedule has now been reworked to include microbiology 3 hours a day, 2 days a week. I will take the other two courses in the fall. I will continue volunteering in the NICU (because, like most normal schools, that will be taken into consideration when applying to the BSN program! YAY! I've also been told there is an interview process. DOUBLE YAY! Normal criteria, woop woop!) and I will continue to babysit until January (although that schedule is all over the place now, thanks to class).

Even though it wasn't what I saw myself doing last year, I know now that it is the perfect decision for me. There is nothing wrong with an ASN. I just didn't feel the connection to the school and knew I probably wouldn't feel the connection to the program. It works for many, many people, it just isn't going to work for me. It also means I will be living at home longer than originally thought, but that doesn't really matter to me either. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and we have a path in life that doesn't always go the way we initially thought it would. This is just part of life. I accept that and I am happy. When all is said and done, I will be Marianne, RN, and that is what is most important.