Love is in the air... Or not.

Did I ever tell you I ended up joining eharmony? Well, I did. And I will be canceling my subscription after my 30 days are up. And not because I've found love.

Let's start with prospect numero uno... we shall call him Butch. Thankfully, his name isn't truly that awful. But anyhow, Butch and I were matched and started to communicate using the guided communication eharmony offers. Essentially, they give you a list of questions to choose from to ask the other person and that person does the same, you answer, decide if you like the other persons answers and, if you so choose, keep moving forward. So exhilarating, I know.

Moving on... Butch is 6'4". A HUGE plus for this 5'9' chica over here. His answers to all the questions seemed decent and apparently he liked my responses because we got to the point of being able to email; so that's just what we did for a couple days.

Let me recap some of the questions he asked in his first email...
What are your hobbies? Favorite foods? Movies?

Pretty status quo questions, no?

How about this one?

What are your thoughts on premarital sex?

SAY WHAT? You haven't even been given the email address that I primarily use and you're already asking my take on sex? Odd. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he was strongly against it, because, honestly, why else would he ask? So not the case. His response was so awkward; along the lines of "I'm not a virgin. At all. But I'm trying to decide which direction God wants me to take in future relationships." Um, OK, whatever you say, Sparky.

So we emailed a couple more times and I started getting annoyed because it seemed more like a Q & A than anything. He'd ask me a bunch of questions, I'd give these long answers that I tried to make somewhat funny when necessary and asked a few of my own. And I know that's how things are supposed to start out, but I would always comment back about his responses and I'd get nothing in return. As I've mentioned, I'm not an expert on relationships, but that just seems so odd. I like a little give and take, and so did all the communication books I had to read in college, so I know that's how normal communication should be. But, again, I'm nice, and thought maybe he was just awkward in emails. No harm in that. We can't all be so fab at writing, can we now? Just kidding...

Are you bored yet? Too bad, there's more...

So the last email that came from him I have yet to respond to. I received it two weeks ago. And the reason I haven't responded is because I'm pretty sure he may have Tiger Woods syndrome. AKA, is obsessed with sex. I know you're thinking "what man isn't?!?!," but ole' Butch here is more aggressive than a pit bull on a female in heat. Mind you, he doesn't even know the name of my high school. Or my last name. Or if I'm even a girl. And he asks, "What is your favorite type of intimacy?" Now, I realize he could've meant something as innocent as holding hands and maybe I'm the freak with a dirty mind, but thinking back to the men I've crossed paths with, homeboy is NOT talking about holding hands. And I was too skeeved out to reply... But for the record: intimacy is a bridge I cross when I come to it.

And the rest of the men who have tried to communicate with me have, in no particular order, been: 5'4 (umm, no... and how were we matched anyway? I put height importance at the highest level.), live in Timbuktu(again, I put distance at highest level of importance), are regulars at the Star Trek Conventions (fine, but so not an interest of mine), are so overly religious even my rarely drinkin', drug avoidin', virgin self wouldn't pass mom's test, or can't stand a woman who is late (and this little lady will be late for her own funeral).

Suffice it to say, eharmony, at this point in my life, has been a major bust. Maybe I'll revisit it once a year, just to see if it gets better with age (as if it's a fine wine or something?).

And Butch, if somehow you are reading this, you may have had to join eharmony because you come on WAY too strong. Just sayin...