Monday, March 29, 2010

What? You mean this isn't normal?

I have a confession to make. A slightly embarrassing confession, at that.

I get hit on. A lot.

But not at bars. No, that never happens. And not at the gym (as if I frequent the gym that much. HA! (my trainer's gym doesn't count)).

No. The only place I get hit on is at...


Are you done laughing at me yet?

I'm serious, y'all. This happens on a semi-regular basis and, given the way it is done, I can't even be flattered. Not even a little bit. And the best/worst part is, it always happens when I am fully aware that I look like road-kill.

Do I look that hard up for a buck? Cuz I'm not, thanks.

Take the most recent situation: I was on my way home from volunteering at the hospital in my super cute (sarcasm) uniform (red polo, hair in a pony with a headband on), don't even know if I had makeup on, windows were down, country was blasting through the speakers. All of a sudden, two guys, who I believe were younger than me, started shouting at me from THREE lanes over.

The fact that there weren't any other cars at the light was a pretty good indication that they were talking to me. I looked over, peeking over the top of my shades, and the passenger said, and I quote (because this quote is too good to even try to forget), "Ay yo mizz thang. Waz good? You wanna kick it wit me and my boi for a while, cuz you lookin' good tonite!"

How I managed to suppress my laughter is beyond me.

I just stoically turned my head forward, pulled my arm back inside the car, and rolled up the window.

What else could I do?

But that didn't stop them. No, they just kept whistling at me. I gave a little wave and just kept praying that the never-ending red light would turn green.

Or how about the time I was hungover at college and was driving to get some pepto from the pharm. I was in sweats, had leftover makeup on from the night before, my hair in shambles and my glasses on. Of course, being the fool that I am, had my windows down.

Enter old man in his rusty old pickup truck.

"Hey! Hey you! Do you have a boyfriend or can I get yo numba and take you out on a date. I swear we have a real good time." *not a typo in the sentence. Honest.*

I said I had a boyfriend. But you all know that was a GIANT lie. At least I didn't have to play the, "I'm a lesbian" card. Which I will fully admit to having done. On several occasions.

And then the light turned green and I gunned it.

Situations like these have probably happened at least once every six months for the past few years.

And all I can say is, "Dear Lord, can you please send me a man who has a little bit of self respect? Please and thank you."

Yours Truly,

*Also, I want to say that everything I write on here is factual. I don't make up, lie, embellish, etc. to make it sound better. I hate when people do that and I like to keep it as real as possible, otherwise I just won't write about it. I warned you all that I don't have a filter, I speak then think. Remember? Besides, my mom reads this, and she would totally call me out on a lie. And that would be way too embarrassing.*


katie said...

hahahahaha I LOVE this. (and may have to move out to Indiana to boost my self-confidence some) I love country music too. And I had no idea you lead such a thug life. Here's to more red lights!!! :o)

Murdock's mama said...

This is so funny...i'm laughing out loud! I'm glad I'm not the only person this happens to! Can we say...
awkward?! :)

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

This is too funny! It is flattering, I bet! Noone has ever hit on me while driving, I am too busy singing!

Melissa said...

Why do people lie and make up stories for a blog - or for anything? Silly people!

As for getting hit on at stoplights... I can't relate to you on that, but it sure does sound amusing!!!

Jess said...

That's hysterical!

Does it make you feel ANY better that the only time I get hit on is during equally weird/embarrassing/pathetic situations?

Nathan said...

Awesome. Just Awesome.

Helene said...

I'm actually offended that guys don't come on to me anymore. I guess having the kids in tow with me all the time kinda kills a guy's desire to "get wit me".

Got your e-mail! I'll write tomorrow!

Ashley said...

I love it.

And I may be slightly jealous.

It's just me :) said...

Dayum! You sexy thing you! That has only happened to me once and the dude would not give up. Why can't it be a hot guy? Why does it always have to be the losers?

Anonymous said...

Try making funny faces at the stop lights- I bet you won't get hit on as much! I do when I play with my daughter and I don't get hit on...On another note the right man will come into your life at the right time!

J.B. said...

I wonder what kind of car you drive? Maybe it's a guy magnet?

I hate when guys come up to me cause from behind I look ok. Then they see my old face and do that "ooough" like sideshow Bob did when he married Homer Simpson's sil.

blueviolet said...

My daughter seems to get this type of come on as well. They're just so direct and shocking with their attempts. You have to wonder if it EVER works. I hope not!

Marianne said...

@ it's just me :)-- it's always the losers that do it because the hot ones have too much self respect to do such a thing :) haha. It's so awkward.

@JB-- well, now that you mention it, it hasn't happened since I got my new car in November. Hmmmmm. I used to drive a white pontiac grand am. Pretty girly if you ask me. Now I drive a white Ford Escape. Now that it's windows-down season, we'll see what happens haha :)

Casey said...

That's hilarious! If it weren't for the weirdos, I'd never get hit on.

I think my all time favorite was the guy that stands in the mall with the hair straightener asked me for my number the other day.


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