Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Don't Read this Post if you're a Man

Seriously, don't. It talks about girly things.

Have you clicked off, Jim? Joe? Uncle Mac? Nate?

Good bye!

Ok, good.

Ladies, which one of y'all will give me a kid? I only ask because I'm about to perform my own total hysterectomy.

Aunt Flo has won the battle. I'm waving the white flag as high as possible.

I became a woman when I was 12. I've wanted to become a menopausal woman everyday since then. I was put on birth control when I was 14. Now, supposedly the Pill prevents cramps, irregular periods, heavy cycles, clotting, etc.

Ah, yes. Clearly BC developers have never met my reproductive system. Neither have those liars that claim working out helps alleviate cramps. Lies, I tell ya. All lies.

The only benefit (because it sure as hell hasn't helped my PCOS or endometriosis) I've found from taking the Pill for the past 9 years is that I can skip the monthly demon. And believe me, I do. I think I went 7 months between cycles, on purpose, until Flo had other plans and has released her wrath on me for the past 3 weeks.

I'm. Over. It. So very, very over it.

So you mom's reading this-- wanna give me one of your kids? Helene, you have 4, surely you can spare one? Jenna, ditto to you. Anyone? Bueller?


Maybe if there was a Period Fairy (similar to the tooth fairy), ala the idea of Bella (who might be my favorite little girl in the world, she's freakin hysterical), Helene's daughter, I'd be less inclined to whine.

Too bad there isn't a test to determine fertility, you know, without doing THE test. Because I would have signed up for that yesterday. I think my doc is finally starting to believe me when I say something very bad will happen if I am unable to have my own child. Very bad.

*end whining*

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Anonymous said...

Girl, I feel your pain! I have PCOS, and take metformin daily and then Provera once every three months if I haven't had a period... yeah, my OB/GYN is the devil because I want to die! I hope you get to feeling better soon!

Merri Ann said...

You think it's inconvenient now? Just wait until you have had your kids ... then it's not only a pain in the ass ...it's also completely useless. I hope I don't get struck by lightning when I say ... God's design could have used a little more work.

Anonymous said...

Girl I also feel your pain! I was 9 when mine arived. 9!!! No other elementary schooler had hers, I was such an outcast with a big chest and on a older competition cheerleading team. It was crazy and I was always trying to get the attention of old boys, which is dumb in itself.

Re: your comment on mine

I think we all work harder when we are busy, ehh? Gosh I did think about PA but wouldn't it just be about the same amount of work to become a MD? That's what I've always thought.

Nope, I don't have a bachelor's degree yet, I'll have my AA in December though, so all my general education courses are complete.

I love LOVE love the beach, and I live ~30min from it. But between work (I'm a nanny/babbysitter also!) school, and volunteering I'm always beat! So no beach for me most weeks, although I love it being availble to me all year round!

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry! That sounds terrible!!! I hope Flo departs soon. She isn't very nice to you.

Jess said...

That sucks! I'm sorry!

I physically CAN'T work out the first 24-36 hours of my period. If I do, I'll get shaky and almost pass out.

I hope Flo departs and departs quickly!

Momma Fargo said...

Oh so sorry to hear that. You are not alone. I have to damn up Auntie Flo and the first day is hell. Then, after about 8 days..she leaves. Then shortly starts up 3 weeks later. UGH>

Anne said...

Ack! No fun! Sorry to hear that. I have begged my doc to take my girl parts (internal) because I don't need them but he says it's not an elective surgery. What does he know?? ha!

Casey said...

Yuck! What a mess! If I had an extra kid lying around I'd definitely offer. Sorry I don't!

Has your GYN given you any other options to help? I'll check with my peeps and see what I can find out for you.

Pam said...

Flo' is such a bitch. In other news, of course you can have my children.

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