Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The End.

Did you just have a slight heart attack? I bet you did. You probably think, "The End" means I'm leaving the blogging world. I can see how one would think that considering I've unintentionally become incredibly lazy when it comes to posting. My life really just isn't very interesting, the creative juices aren't flowing, and I'm still pretty stuck in a rut. However, last night around 1130 I received a text from a friend saying, "Write a post or I will hurt you!" Or something to that effect. So here I am. Writing a post. Hey, I take threats seriously! We're going to pretend I haven't been a slacker and I'm going to quit apologizing every time I go MIA.

Since it's now clear that "The End" is not indicative of my blog termination, I bet you want to know what the heck I'm talking about, right?

Well, after the story I am about to share with you, I will no longer be posting about match.com. Or any other dating site, for that matter. The experience has provided nothing more than great stories and I'm over it. My subscription isn't over until November, but I won't be checking winks and emails any longer. Matter of fact, I made this decision several weeks ago.

The following IM conversation with MetroMyle-- Myle is his real name. No, that's not a typo.-- happened literally, I kid you not, 5 minutes after the bitchtastic email from Peyton Manning's number 1 fan. After that, I had had enough with the joke that is online dating. I think you all will understand.


Creepy metrosexual Myle (I made up his SN): Hi! I got your email

Me: Hey

CMM: What's up? Ready for the weekend?

Me: Ha, yea, I guess. My schedule is weird so sometimes the weekends feel like the weeks, sometimes the weeks feel like the weekends. Really throws me off! What about you?

CMM: Hell yea, it's been a really long week!

Me: That's a bummer, hopefully you can relax! I know you said you own a business, but what kind?

CMM: I own Fitness Fixx

CMM: Do you have facebook?

Me: Um. Yea. But you won't find me. My profile is unsearchable.

CMM: Oh, well I just thought it might help us know more.

CMM: Can you add me?

Me: Anything you want to know you can ask me. My profile has zero info about me, other than I am an old soul, I have a journalism degree I never intend to use professionally, I have a weird thing about dinosaurs, and I'm obsessed with kids.

Me: Sorry, I'm weird about giving my last name out (yet).

CMM: Do you want kids?

Me: Yes, eventually, but for now, I'll settle with the kids I take care of.

CMM: Me too.

CMM: Let me know when you're ready... lol

Me: Haha {He's lucky I didn't castrate him via the internet...}

CMM: I'm always up for practicing

Me: You clearly didn't read my profile.

CMM: Geez! Yes I did, I was kidding!

CMM: That was rude! {He's supposedly in his 30s, I can't remember exact age. This comment suggests he's a prepubescent boy, which means he's probably not properly equipped to practice anyway. Just sayin'}

Me: Sorry, it was either that or, "I'm sure there's a nice lady on a corner willing to help you out. Unfortunately for you, I'm not so generous."

Me: Not trying to be rude, but I can make sex jokes just as much as the next person. However, I do not know you or your humor, so I took it at face value."


Obviously, and you all should know this by now, I don't put up with anyone's crap and seems to me that there's a clear reason why Myle is still single. I found him to be offensive, so I went on the defense. Not to mention the fact that I was convinved he was gay based off his pictures and email (not that there's anything wrong with being gay, just that he's barkin' up the wrong tree if he truly wants to be satisfied...). I'll also note that he emailed me twice asking to be friends on facebook before this conversation, so who knows what his true intentions were. For all I know, he's a 60-year-old rapist and I just really don't need that in my life. ;)

Anyway, that's the end of my story and match experience. Unless I dig up another story in the archives, which is entirely possible, but there won't be any new experiences to share. For now, I'm going to focus on my studies and getting healthy. God has I plan, I just need to learn to be patient. If there's a man out there for me, he'll come when the time is right. C'est la vie.




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9 comments:

denise said...

As you know, I totally agree. I give credit to the few sane people that met sane people online...all the others have issues. You'll find a guy when you arent looking (hopefully I will too).

Good luck in classes this semester

Yankee Girl said...

I think online dating has its perks, but since I have never done it, I am sure it would be more frustrating than anything.

I thought Match.com was the place to be in online dating? I thought the cost helped to weed out the idiots? I guess not.

Katherine said...

Wow! What nerve! I've known people who have had some really good luck with online dating and people who haven't.

It'll all come in time, I think.

♥ Elizabeth said...

Oh, I feel for you! I once went on a date, to hooters, with a wingman in tow, with someone I met through on-line dating. Good grief, the stories! Don't worry though- it's well worth the wait for the right one ♥ Hugs!

Jess said...

While I'm sad that there won't be anymore internet dating stories for you to entertain us with, I completely understand.

I can't make myself do it. Even though a friend of mine met a seemingly (it's still new) nice guy online within a couple weeks, I just can't do it.

BTW, I have a weird/crazy/insane story to tell you. Such a story may also be inhibiting me from getting into said online dating.

I have a condition, however. I need to actually TELL you. Therefore, we need to actually talk on the phone, lol.

Big Fat Gini said...

Well, coming from someone who went the internet dating route back when most internet love stories were appearing on Springer, I'll tell you that I had to go through a TON of frogs before finding a Prince Charming (who's perpetually late and likes to make tea two seconds before it's time to eat).

And that was 1999, so now there's probably like eleventy million more frogs out there like Myle (really? REALLY?). Personally, I'm disappointed because how else am I supposed to spend my evenings if you no longer tell hilarious match.com stories?

Big Fat Gini said...

You know, I've been thinking. If you have a baby, you should totally name it Myle. Then, you can teach him how to not be a douche.

Momma Fargo said...

You'll find a good one. You just never know when you are least expecting it. In the meantime, don't go the extra MYLE.

Helene said...

Oh, the minute I read what his username was "MetroMyle", I was like, "He's gay...he just doesn't know it yet".

What a total creep. You know, dating services used to be for people who truly wanted to meet the love of their lives...like you were hoping for. But it seems to be a waiting place now for jerks who can't seem to get lucky on their own so they have to traumatize nice people like yourself. Don't they realize WHY they're still single??!!

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