The Kind of Parent I Won't Be

I won't...

*say, "Because I said so, that's why!" (even though I say this fairly regularly while babysitting).

*allow most battery operated toys. I hate them all & am fully convinced no toy inventor is actually a parent himself.

*have so many bloody toys, that it's all people will notice when they walk into my home. Especially baby gear. My word, how is there so much stuff on the market for infants? They eat, they sleep, they poop. Bottles, bed, diapers. Boom, done.

*say things like, "My house, my rules," "As long as you live under this roof, the answer is no," "Don't get smart with me!" "Eat your food, there are starving children in Africa," "Because I'm the adult," "Don't make stop this car!" and, my all-time favorite, "Don't make me count to 3, mister!"

*allow video games or computer games unless they are educational.

*use the TV as a babysitter.

*argue with my husband in front of the kids.

*spank.

*be a helicopter parent.

*be a better friend than parent.

*allow my children to develop poor eating habits.

*speak as if I'm the first parent in the history of the world or complain about how hard it is.

*judge another parent for the way they choose to raise their kids.

*take the gift of being a mother for granted.

*be surprised if I actually end up doing or saying at least half of these things.