Thursday, April 21, 2011

Home Depot is NOT for Wimps.

My day certainly didn't go the way I had intended, but then again, does it ever?

I woke up to a text message that made me smile from ear to ear. The sun was shining, I went tanning, got in a good workout, and was off to work for a few hours. The day was just going great.

Then I went to Home Depot and shit went south.

So there I am, walking through the parking lot, when this crazy broad comes tearing around the corner at 50mph (slight exaggeration. Sue me.), ready to whip it into the handicap parking spot when I am so startled by someone so reckless that I must look like a dear in headlights (pun not intended).

She stares at me with this evil witch look like, "Move you piss ant, I must park my super cool PT Cruiser NOW!"

And I'm all, "OK, fine. I'll pretend you didn't just almost hit me and carry on my way."

So I take a step forward, and do you know what this person does?! HITS THE DAMN GAS!

What. The. Heck?!?!

Naturally, I stop again and look at her. She clearly says something and moves her hand in a motion like, "WTF?! I want to park there, get out of my way!"

So I stand there and wait for her to park, only she doesn't move her car and says, "Are you stupid?"

Oh HELL NO.

I walked around the other side of her car to get out of the way and noticed her passenger window was down, so I flipped and screamed "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?! I'm just walking into the damn store when you came out of nowhere, driving like a drunk, and damn near hit me. Pop a Xanax!"

And then I hightailed it into the store, thinking I'd be safe, but fully expecting to find my car keyed and tires slashed once I went back outside.

But of course the story doesn't end there, because, per usual, my life is just full of ridiculous moments.

There I am, standing in the knob and pulls aisle when a construction worker joins me. I'm pondering over which pulls to buy for a dresser I'm re-doing when I hear him grunting and can feel him undressing me with his eyes. Creep. I give him the side eye and a half smile and return to my business.

He keeps grunting.

I keep gagging.

Finally, I decide that I'll come back another time and walk away, when he grunts one last time and adds, "DAYUM" for good measure.

First I get hit on at stop lights, and now at the hardware store. What the heck is next?!

And that, folks, was my 10 minute trip to Home Depot.

**note: I'm the least confrontational person ever, but the PT Cruiser bitch had it coming. I mean, honestly? I'm stupid because you're being an irrational, reckless driver? Also, she wasn't old and, from what I could tell, wasn't even handicapped, so it wasn't like I told off a granny or something.**

**sorry for the cussing**



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5 comments:

NP Odyssey said...

Nothing like a little tanning and a trip to Home Depot to complete your day.

You should have played matchmaker with the woman in the car and the construction worker, sounds like they both needed to get laid.

Marianne said...

HA! Isn't that the truth. She had some dude with her, though. Obviously someone isn't being satisfied!

Pink, Green, and Southern said...

WTF are people's problems?! Seriously. I thought that kind of stuff only happened to me. I would just steer clear of Home Depot for awhile!

Zazzy Episodes said...

Woot, woot you got grunted at by a construction worker! Must have been the blood boiling under the surface of your skin from "PT" lady that attracted the grunting gentleman in the pulls and knobs isle. You lucky lady! :-)

Janet Presley Gonzalez said...

You are SO right about HD...it's not for wimps. (Unless you consider their corporate higher-ups, who are fully wimps of the largest degree.) What HD is for, is for a-holes. And believe me when I say it, because it was my hell of a job for almost 2 years...WORST JOB OF MY LIFE!! The c-rag in the PT Cruiser would have been one in a line of a million just like her. And the construction workers were the most disgusting and incorrigible perverts EVER, ALL THE TIME!! I seriously, SERIOUSLY hate HD. *climbing down from soapbox*

LOL I hope in the midst of the madness, you were able to find some suitable and awesome pulls for your project!! =)

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