Apologizing No More

When I first started blogging, I really wasn't sure how long it would last, how much I would have to say, and how many wonderful people I'd meet (in person and virtually). I began reading blogs right after I had graduated college. I was unemployed, trying to adjust to life post-college, unsure of where my future was headed, having several health issues not being managed, and, really, pretty depressed. I liked reading about other people's lives so that I didn't have to think about my own, even though in June 2009 I did actually start this blog and intend to right about my life. At that time, though, I only managed to write one post, come up with a title, and throw a background up.

I abandoned my blog for seven months before returning full force. I liked the idea of putting my journalism degree to some type of use and to also meet new people and gain support from people with unbiased opinions. But, as my readership grew, I began to feel the pressure to follow those who follow me. Comment on those blogs who comment on mine, and reply to comments. Read each and every post that pops up in my dashboard. And, most importantly, blog at least every other day. I did pretty well for awhile and, for the most part, enjoyed every aspect of blogging.

As the months went by, my course load became more intense, I began to work more hours each week, I still had to keep up with my responsibilities at home, and I still wasn't feeling so great about where my life was going-- especially with all the uncertainty regarding nursing school that lasted way. too. long. Half not wanting to continually write posts where I whine or sound like Debbie Downer and half not having the time or energy, my blogging became more and more infrequent.

Unfortunately, my lack of blogging took an even bigger toll on me. I'd feel incredibly guilty for not blogging more often, even worse for not reading others, and worse, still, for not replying to comments (or emails, for that matter) in a timely matter, and, sometimes, not at all. I've written countless posts apologizing for my absence, made personal promises to get back on track, and think regularly, "I need to blog about this." And while I do feel bad, I cannot apologize any longer.

The fact of the matter is, I love blogging, I truly do. I love the connections I've made, the way it allows me to express myself, and the endless support I receive. However, I have so much going on that I cannot allow myself to feel guilty for not spending more time on blogger. I'll do it when I can and not fret when I can't.

Do you know how many times I've logged on in the past 10 days? Twice. One of which was 10 minutes ago, to write this post and possibly another. I have an immense amount of reading that I could catch up on, but I also have cleaning and organizing to do, friends to spend time with, kids to babysit, and a million other things to take care of. So if I do catch up and you see a comment from me on a post that was written two weeks ago, great. But if I don't get around to it, I'm OK with that, too.

I'm not abandoning my blog. I certainly have so much to share now and in the future, especially as I embark on my nursing school journey. But don't be surprised if my popping in is more sporadic and my commenting is less frequent. I'm 23 and enjoying living my life. I cannot let blogging become a burden, otherwise, my infrequency will likely evolve into non-existence.