On Growing Up

Growing up is funny. When we're kids, all we want is to be a grown up; and when we're grown up, all we want to know is what the hell was so appealing about being older when we were kids.

Apparently I'm an adult. In 9 months, I'll be 25. A quarter of a century. And I'm already starting to freak out. Not because it means I'm that much closer to being 30.

Ok, maybe a little because it means I'm that much closer to being 30.

And not because 25 used to seem so old when I was kid.

Even though it did.

But because I feel so... unaccomplished.

Which I'm sure sounds entirely ridiculous to some of you. Yes, I am working on my second bachelor's degree and yes I am less than a year away from being a nurse, but that's it.

I am a planner. I have had my life planned since I knew what "the future" meant. Of course, said plans have had to be tailored quite often because, you know what the proverbial they say, "We plan, God laughs." But it has still been hard dealing with what my reality has become.

Ten years ago I was 14 and a freshman in high school. I had grand plans of dating a number of boys, making my friends for life, having a stellar social life, then I'd go off to college and major in Spanish, become an interpreter, find my husband, get married at 22, and kids at 23, 25, 27, and 29. I'd, of course, keep in touch with all my bff's from high school for ever and ever.

HA. None of that crap happened.

Obviously I'm not a Spanish interpreter... or a special ed teacher... or a journalist (the latter two being my initial major and eventual degree, respectively). And I clearly am not married or on my way to having child number 2.

Which is perfectly fine (because holy cow, I am so not ready to be married. And I do kind of have baby fever, but I still love sleeping until 11 am, so I'm glad I don't have kids yet) and I know God has a different path for me, but it has still been hard.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think at 24 I would still be in school, unemployed, heavily reliant on my parent's, and still single.

Every day I log onto facebook and somebody new from high school or college is engaged, or married, or expecting a baby. People talk about office life, trips with their girlfriends, finishing grad school, and moving to somewhere new and exciting. I know it's not right to compare myself to others, and in many ways I don't, but it really can bring a girl down to see where I could be and where I actually am.

So in 10 years, who knows where I'll be. I assume I'll be an RN and working in NICU or peds. God willing, I'll (ideally) be married and definitely have at least one child. Hopefully I'll be living in Florida/California/somewhere warm and hopefully, by that point, I will have everything I ever dreamed of, which really isn't much.

Whatever God has in store for me, I'm sure it's bound to be great and I'm sure I'll learn to be happy, as I have learned to be (as) happy (as I can be) with my current situation.

I just hope those plans include don't include a major quarter-life crisis.

And fewer bills would also be nice.